


In which John cockblocks himself miraculously

by madeofdoom



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humour, M/M, Sexytimes, Xeno, really shitty dont read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 14:15:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeofdoom/pseuds/madeofdoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John finds tentacles hilarious. For Rikudera.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which John cockblocks himself miraculously

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rikudera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikudera/gifts).



“Fuck John,” Karkat moaned, falling down onto the bed, underneath the human male, who immediately resumed kissing and sucking on his neck.   
John broke away from Karkat’s neck, struggling to remove his stupid turtleneck, though eventually succeeding. He noted that Karkat didn’t have nipples, and stifled a small laugh, not wanting to let that get in the way of him finally getting laid. He tugged down Karkat’s pants, rolling his eyes at the frankly absurd crab print boxers, admittedly his were ghostbusters, but that’s much cooler, obviously.   
He tugged down said absurd boxers, and was shocked to find, well, what looked like human female anatomy. Okay, he could work with this. He found a small nub just above what he assumed was the nook Karkat had once rambled about, and started gently rubbing it, as he’d seen in a plethora of awful internet pornography.   
He heard Karkat let out a loud moan and hesitantly dipped his head down, licking it and evidently not noticing the narrow end of a tentacle wriggling out of what was in fact not the alien form of a clitoris, but a bulge sheath.   
He continued utterly botching his first attempt at performing oral sex, up until the bulge had become halfway unsheathed and begun its course to the closest available orifice, which happened to be John’s right nostril.   
“Ah!” John shrieked, scuttling backwards away from Karkat’s groin, “What the fuck is that?”  
“That’s my bulge, you complete moron.”   
“…wait your dick is a tentacle?” he suddenly realised, bursting out laughing.   
“It’s no fucking funny, you twat!” Karkat yelled, pulling his turtle neck back on, but by this point John had already fallen off the bed and didn’t show any signs of relenting with his manic laughter.   
“Well fuck you!” Karkat tugged his boxers back up and stormed out of the room, depriving the dorky boy of what was most likely his only chance to ever get laid.


End file.
